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Map to Mappy
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2004.11.04 04.14
Keep hinging in there
So, I'm sitting down in the living room watching Sea Lab when this ad comes up. It starts with just this simple Row vs Wade in this fairly judical looking font on what looks like a plaque. Suddenly the plaque begins to break as a judge's hammer begins to tear it down. It's a slow methodic process, but as it rips down the Row vs. Wade you begin to notice somthing behind it. At first I thought it might be some sort of baby, or perhaps a life like picture of jesus, at which point the ad would begin telling me exactly how evil I am for believing that a woman has a right to choose exactly which bunch of cells they wanna rip out of thier bodies. But as the peaces fell I soon recognized that what the object was, a simple, brass, coat hanger. Then after letting the audance peer at it with wonder, or if your me be on the groud laughing, the words, "we'll never go back," pop up. And it is at this point that I realize that this infact an ad and not one of sea labs over the political line jokes. It is infact a real political campign ad, and one hell of a shot over the bow of conservitives.
Now, on a almost completely unrealated story, I know some of the readers of my live journal, as well as myself, where disapointed with the loss of John Kerry. But let us all remember that this is not the end of the world. Life as we know it will not suddenly blink out. The Nation has spoken and dispite us not being happy with it, we simply must move on. Don't wave your hate like a banner, but instead relish the knowladge of knowing that this will infact be George Bush's last hurah. Every day after Janurary 21, 2008 is a Bush free. So make the best of it, think of tomorrow, and hepfully we can all make it through this together.
Nick Out
PS: Adam next time you tell people to vote you might wanna find out what party they side with first :P.
Mood:  okay
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2004.10.30 03.18
Frosted Flakes.
When did the art of talking to someone on instant messenger become an excessive use of the ignore button. I mean serriously I'm getting sick of it. Yeah sure I've implored the tactic myself, but really those people had it comming.
-When I've told Lester five hundred times that, "No I don't wanna see any more pictures of your smashed up windows. I don't care if it looks more smashed from this angle." And then he begin berading me about not wanting to see his smashed up window, yeah thats a good time to implore it's use.-
But, when brian decieds that he's going to ignore me for simply stating that I don't want to drag my computer over to his house for maybe 8 hours of lanning, great. I tried telling him that I wanted to Lan over at Tom's Place, having not yet asked him, because that way I could go to bed and retreive my computer after gaming on tuesday. He basicly said the smoke at Tom's place gets to him after a while, and he Has two computer to lug over so thats out of the question. When I asked him, well why not bring that laptop and the Server, he simply responded by saying, "Well the laptop gets hot, and like ut get a little laggy."
- When in the hell did we become such computer perfectionists. I remember back in the day, playing Team Fortress, with no sound, a 14.4 modem, and barely playable framerates. But did that stop me from playing, you bet your sweet ass it didn't. I don't know, maybe we've finaly all downgraded to hardware snobs, but somewhere, inside of me, still beats the heart of someone who doesn't give a rats ass and just wants to play.-
Really, what he was saying was, if Tom's willing to drag his shit over her then I'm not willing to move mine. Which is fine, it's a lazy angle that I personaly can understand. So when I tell him that it's simply not worth showing up to his place with my computer, that btw is the summed up verson the real version was heavly sugar coated with tons of, but I still want to come over later frosting, I expected a hey, "maybe next time.P Or a, "Well ok, if you change your mind just pop by." But I certinly did not expect a, "Well then don't come over." and ignore. I mean serriously when did our internet eddicate revert back to those sad phone conversation I had with my friends at four and five years old.
Then, on a totaly unrealted story, Lester decied that he wasn't going to be able to go with me on my trip out west. For those of you who don't know, which I guess would be only people who haven't meet me or have recently decied to start reading my dead LJ, I'm going to Arizona and New Mexico December 12, to vist a few schools and to see Adam and Will. Now originaly Lester was supposed to go with me. Infact when I talked to him not two weeks ago, he said that he was 90% sure that he would be able to go. Well it turnes out that 90% is more like 100% because without even asking his employerer if he could go, he simply accepted this as a failer, and told me he would be unable to come. Now I hope you all can understand, I wouldn't be upset about this whole thing if Lester's boss had decied to pull the AX on this little afair, then it would be matter beyond his controll. My rage would be focused squarly at his boss,and Lester would be in the free and clear. But, since he has decied to play the role of the coward, a role that I'm possitive his parrents helped him into, I'm just FUCKIN LIVID.
On a plus note,
I have vented and can actually sleep.
Nick
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2004.08.19 03.30
As I finished reading my own post...
As I finished reading my own post and was about to shut the computer off I found out another intersting tallent of will's. Not only does the boy talk in his sleep, but he just let out the world largest sleep beltch and fart. I can't wait to meet the women he decied to marry him.
Hopefully for the last time to day,
Peace out
Mood: Disgusted
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2004.08.19 02.33
Blazing a trail to Gencon
I'm sitting at the comfort sweets and it's two thirty in the morning, (1:30 their time). Some of you may be wondering how I managed to fanagle a way to post, or infact why I have decied to post at all, seeing as I haven't in quite a long time. Well the answer to question one is, collin. Our boy must be an idiot savaunt, because he remembered, even thought I told him practly three months ago, that we would have internet access here at the hotel, and decied to bring his laptop. This brings me to question number two, and that is simply on a p1 133, there really isn't much I can do, but tell you poor shmucks what you're missing out on here at gencon.
There, now that I have managed to answer your questions, well not really your questions, more things I felt the need to address, I can get to the good stuff.
The trip started off well. As those of you know who saw him yesterday Will is experincing a bit of a cold, but that didn't stop him from show up on my door step, not only on time, but fifteen minutes early. Now normaly this wouldn't be a problem, but you see boys and girls, I happened to be shaving myself at the time, and a sudden knocking on your door when you happen to be shaving that nice little region between your ear and your neck makes your hands do bad, BAD things. So half dressed and with blood leaking down my face I let will in, finished the small amout of things I needed to finish, IE Cigerette, and we left to pick up both collin and jolls. Which dispite boths forgetful nature, happened to be ready and waiting.
After a wonderful, and I do mean WONDERFUL, meal at first wok: Kevin, Jolls, Collin, Will, and myself headed out on to the open road. The trip, on whole, was pritty unremarkable. My CD's made the trip bareable, and we made good time, dispite Collin having to "Make Water" about thirty minutes into the trip, and of course my stop at the discount tabacco shop right across the boarder.
We only stopped at the hotel for a minute or two. Just enought time for us to confirm the reservation, pay for our four day vist, and toss our bags inside. After a quck interlude, we all crammed ourselves into will's car, and headed for the RCA Dome, (The Location of gencon 2004). Parking, it turned out, wasn't nearly as much of a problem as I remember it being, as we got into a ramp right across the street from the convention hall.
As we emurged from our parking garage we looked across the street to see nearly one hundred gamers pilled on verrious things around the convention hall. (How did we know they where gamers you might ask. Well 1. They where all carrying duffel bags and back packs. 2. Most of them had on t-shirt with one of three things on them a. Eighties Memeralbelia, b. A somewhat witty refrance to G W Bush C. Some sort of gaming icon. And 3. The smell of B.O. was simply over powering.)
While we where observing this twisted version of Valhalla, a gentelmen approached our little adventuring group and informed us that the line for tickets was lined up around the building. But that if we where willing to pay him 50 bucks he would solve all of our problem by giving us the tickets now. Smelling Scam our group decied not to bite, but that didn't stop a group of gamer behind us from taking the bate. Five people at 50 buck a pop, wow that guys got a hell of a racket going on, to bad for fat geek37 and his group of gamer companiions.
Well, anyway, we get inside, and while the guy might have been lying about the tickets he wasn't certinly about the line, which did infact strech around the building. Good thing for us, it moved fast, and within an hour, (a fanatastic improvement from last years six hours) we had our tickets and our good bags and proceed to head across the street to champs, a sports bar a hit last time I was in town. The place has simply THE best BBQ pork sandwiches on the face of the planet and did not Disapoint this time.
After the meal we finally headed home. Or at least thats what Will intened to do, if he hadn't taken us nearly fifteen miles in the wrong dirrection, thank god the Half Arab Half Black speedway clerk knew the way to the hotel, or else we might chilling in chicago right now.
By this point collin had started to get sick, he was coughing like a bitch and even at one point puked over an entire row of carts at meijers, (although I must admit I did TELL him to do that). BTW for all you reader out there, I know this paragraph really doesn't fit into the flow of this journal, but he Puked on a row of carts, I couldn't figure out how to tell you without going into a fairly lenghthy meijer story, so I decied to put in this little blurb. So in the words of God after he decied to cast Adam an Eve out of Eden, "Just Fucking Deal with it."
So Finally we got back to the hotel, I swam, used the exersize bike and treadmill, while the rest of the guys sat up in the room and watched The Family Guy on fox. By the time I got back most of the guys had fallen asleep, and by now they all are. So as I type this line I am finishing my beer, going into th bathroom to light one finaly cigerette, and join them.
Until Tomorrow,
Peace
Mood:  geeky
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2004.04.21 05.12
Just something I thought was interesting so I did it
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
C.s Lewis "The Screwtape Letters"
"But,if we are not careful, we shall see thousands turning in this tribulation to the Enemy, while tens of thousands who do not go so far as that will nevertheless have their attention diverted for themselves to values and causes which they believe to be higher than the self."
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2004.04.20 11.36
and so I admit defeat
So right now, I should be trying to franticly scurry out a paper thats due in about oh lets say one hour and twenty four mintues, but I'm not. No instead of writting said paper I'm going to do the honorable thing and commit scholastic supoku. I'm going to walk into that class today and walk up to the teacher, and cut my grades belly open with the hard edge of truth. Which is that I was going to do the fucking paper, but I found something so much more interesting than the lives of sitcom families. Yeah it's called life beotch. Deal with it.
I'm so fucking sick of these half assed proffs trying to make their boaring materal accessable to the average student. Here is a clue adminstration, the average student doesn't know dick and guess what I learn by you catering to them. Thats right, dick, your dick ramming me right the skull, the great giant testicals of medocraty slapping against my face. What the hell am I supposed to learn about Interpersonal Communication by watching The Munsters. Hey here is a fucking hint, life doesn't have a laugh track. Life isn't father knows bests. Life isn't television. So stop using it as a medium for teaching it. I refuse to participate any longer. The wench has my homework, she can deal with out this one stpuid paper and if that means I get a C then so fucking be it. I can no longer tollerate this kind of eductaional lobodimy.
I should start to think of new and creative ways to make my point. She's always talking about how much more important nonverbal communication is than verbal. So maybe I should walk down to the AV room drag in one big fucking tv. Then when she asks for our papers I'll calmly wheel the little TV cart up to her desk and whip out a twenty pound sledge and tear the god damn thing a sunder. Right there, infront of her, the whole class watching.
Mood:  amused
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2004.04.20 00.49
In case it was missed previously
comments that are not signed will be imedatly deleted. I love and respect people for their critism, but I WILL not stand by and take it from people who are to cowardly to sign their own names.
That means you ashley more.
Incase all of you are wondering what this is all about feel free to read PopeXXIII's live journal.
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2004.04.19 03.07
It's the update you've all been waiting for
Ok first of all I want to say, whoever has this name personality test needs to serriously rethink how it works. According to my name, I should be helth concious, concerned with obtaining money, and shy about giving my opinions... WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I don't know who this Nicholas Gerald Krause is, but I think my parrents would like to meet him.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, lets talk about about my weird ass day numerical sytle:
1. Waking up- When I woke up this morning, I was still in that dreamlike state. You know the one I'm talking about, the one where you basicly look up and contemplate the whiteness of your cealing for about 15 minutes. Yeah I did that today. Then after I had firmly decied that the cealing was indeed white, I also decied that I had 20 minutes to get to work.
So I reached down for work clothes only to find that where there had been a pair of pants and shirt before, there where only pants now. So I grabbed my trousers and dashed into the bathroom. It was only after I had gotten that real good lather working on my teeth, that I thought to ask my mother about the wear abouts of the before mentioned shirt. Which in my still sleepy state cause large frothy blotches of white foam to spill out of my mouth onto the floor. *Don't ask why I decied to share that bit of information with you, I just had the perfect visual image in my mind and thought it would be a pitty to wast a good word like frothy.*
Anyway she had decied to wash it, so that ment I got to wear the green Meijers shirt today. I hate the green meijers shirt and here are the two reasons, since we're doing this update numerical style, I think I will call these reasons a and b, just to make it feel more like some fucking chapter outline on a ovehead.
a. It fits just well enough that I can wear it and not look stupid, but poorly enought so that everytime I have to lean over for something everybody is getting a nice big doose of crack. Lovely mental image isn't it?
b. I hate the green chosen for that perticular meijers shirt. I mean it isn't even really green is it, it's more like a teal. How can you look like you have any authority at all wearing a teal shirt. It's impossible. The only thing you do look like wearing a teal shirt, is a reject from a Mr. Rodgers look alike convention.
So now armed with my teal shirt, stamppeded down the stair, ready for another walk through the beautiful neighborhood of meijers. As I ran out the door I quick reached into the fridge and gathered up a bottle of apple juice, and banana. A banana so large that it would make even the surist porn stare, seem twisp of smoke benith it's sizeable gurth.
2. The Ride to work- The sun was shining and the wind was blowing the sweet smell of summer into my congested nostrals as I raced down tword my economic prision. I ate the banana, which was tastey, and downed the welchers apple juice, which was less than tastey, launching both out into the grand river as I passed over the nortland drive bridge. I don't know why I decied to pullote, maybe it was because I felt really free at that moment. Or maybe it was because I was feeling like I wanted to make an indian cry I don't know. I don't even know really why I'm devoting this much time to talkinb about a littering. I could hit the delete key right now and be done with these last couple of sentances, but eh, whats the point, if you've read this far, you're probably going to read the whole fucking thing anyway, so why bother.
Anyway, the trip was the best part of today. It just felt so good to be out in the open air. The breeze rippeling through the car as I charge past the caravan of SUV's doubtlessly heading to sunshine church. Oh how good it felt to be alive.
3. Work- Stuck on lane thirty all day. ALL DAY. For those of you who don't quite know what it's like to be on lane thirty, let me first tell you that it's very similar to the catholics idea of pergitory. Basicly you stand around all day. Nothing happens. Nothing at all. I stand and wait for people to come. They don't come. So you slouch, drop you head in your hands, and look up at the clock ideling ticking away on the monitor above. The manager sees you and bitches you out. So you stand around so more and start to day dream, the moment you do 10 guests burst from mens and wander down from grocery to tear your dream a sunder. Then finaly when you have reached the point to which you surender to the monotany, your break comes, and with it a new hope that must be crushed once again upon your return to lane thrity. ARG!!!!
4. Mcdonalds- On the way home I decied to get some mcdonalds. So I pull off to the one on northland drive, and get in line behind some jack ass in a read hyundi. It takes this jerk off 5 minutes to order his meal. Five minutes I fucking timed him. He kept asking questions like, "How many nuggests come in the six nugget?" and "What exactly is in a BIG MAC?"
What is in a big mac? How the hell can you grow up on this planet, and not know what a big mac is. I mean I could understand if the mother fucker was just dragged out of the african bush or something. But not a middle aged white male. I mean at somepoint in your life, no mater how miserable it has been, you have had or have heard of the BIG MAC. I knew what was in a big mac, long before I knew what Canada was and thats fucking saying something.
Ok I'm better now.
So dipshit finaly pulls ahead, and it's now my turn to order. So I order my two chicken sandwhich and pull forward, only to find out that the car infront of dipshit is a suv literaly overflowing with children. So I wait ten minutes for Billy, Snady, Jamie, Casey, Mike, Nick, James, Slade, Franky, Brian, Tom, Carlos, David, Jason, Deven, Shannon, Sara, Amber, Amanada, Lucy, Will, and Shapompa to get their happy meals and drive off. Idiot boy gets his meal and drives off. FInaly it's my turn, and since I ordered only one measly chicken sandwhich, you would think after all that, it would be real nice and easy to hand me a small little snack like one chicken sandwhich, but nooooo. No the gods thought it would only karamicly right to have me wait another 5 mintues to get that.
So finaly I put the damn sandwhich in the seat next to mine and drive off. I must be doing seventy down westriver, all the windows down when I finaly decied to taste my prize. So I reach over, and just as I'm doing so a huge gust of wind shakes the car, and (I'm not fucking kidding) takes the whole bag, sandwhich and all and flings it right out the goddamn window.
- Ok I've been writing for the last half hour or so, and now I'm getting tired. I think I'll share the rest of the story later. That is assuming I don't get distracted for another two months.
Nick out
Mood: amused
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2004.02.21 02.00
Yeah I took that damn, "look into the crystal ball" quiz... Kind Serrial Killer? WTF. How the hell does that work. I'm killing you baby, but I want to make sure the whole process is comfortable for you. Those razors aren't embedded into your flesh to tight are they. Because the last thing I want you to feel is chafing before you bite the big one.
Give me a focking break.
On a totaly unrealated an more important note. Heh my voice is gone. Yeah that right, Kaiser Sosai has gone and lost his voice. (Incase you where wondering why the Usual Suspects refrance I had origanl written that as Mr. Talkstomuch. Then I remebered that neat bit of triva from the usual suspects. If you take the name Kaiser Sosai and converet it into it's base langagues you would find that Kaiser is the German word for "King" and Sosai is the Turkish word for Talks to much or Verbal :D. Hence the bit about they think his father being german his mother being turkish.) Anyway this of course means baring some grand recovery there is going to be no gaming on this tuesday. Not only will I get a chance to recover my voice, but I think everybody will get a much needed break. Gaming will resume the following week, heath permiting, with earthdawn.
Thanks a million.
PS: You'll have to pardon me being gabby on AIM. I can't really talk in my current situation and I do need some sort of stimuli. So I'm appologizing in advance for many anyoying "Blings" over the course of the weekend. Thank you :D
Mood:  listless
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2004.02.14 01.38
I woke up this morning dreeding work. I know most people say this, but I mean it, I serriously hate my job. The kind of people that I encounter day after day makes me bitter about the entire human race. Which is really sad, because on a whole I don't hate all of humantiy and actually I kind of like it. I just don't like having it's worst characteristics thrown at me day after day. I kinda feels like a bad relationship. Where it's nice to look at, but when invoved with it on a everyday basis you begin to notice all of it's faults, until you can't stand that person anymore.
If that makes any sense. You'll have to pardon me I've been drinking...
a lot.
Speaking of drinking I went to my first FRAT party today and boy did it suck. Yeah Chris, aka Garry, has been trying to get me to go to one of these "socails" for a long time now. So finaly after about a year of cancelations I finnaly decied to give in and hit the party. A really stupid idea considering I work at ten in the morning. But dispite all my consepts of responsibility I decied to fuck it and just go. Hoping maybe to find some possible good leeds there.
Well did I find any good leads. HELL NO!!! No I found a buch of people who already knew eachother sitting around the bar talking. I mean how do you mingle when everybody at the party is talking to everybody the all ready know. It's aquward.
Then you have the whole girl issue. Now don't get me wrong there where some realy hotties at this party, but this is where it sucks to be a man. The moment you think you've "drank" enough courrage to talk to this girl, her boyfriend comes up to wisk her away. SUCKS. It turns out that most of the girls at this party either had boy friends there, or had already hooked up with someone before I got there.
To you ladies you got it lucky. You just have to sit back and worry about someone comming up to you and asking you to dance, or talk, or whatever. If some total dork comes along just pass him some excusse and let him leave on his marry way. Us guys, no we have to face rejection face on. And being that dork mentioned in the previous example, it can serriously suck.
The one thing I always find interesting about parties is the way people tend to gravitate to eachother. Usually peole just stick to their friend and wander from room to room, tring to find a group of girl large enough to accomidate the group that they're currently in. It's like high school socail clicks all over again. When you watch the movies this kind of thing doesn't happen. It's alway a bunch of really hip cats rocking with the beat from some really happin dj. Not the song styles of W SUX, on some poor college students cheep ass radio. The most rockin I saw that eveing was garry moving his beer bottle in time with the rythem of yet another Hip hop song. Each one the same pumping bass grove, amd lyrics like, hey baby it's your birthday. WTF. YOu know I don't mind dance music, but someone could at least throw on some fuckin techno or somthin. Not this getto ravin bullshit.
Anyway, I feel like I'm just ranting at this point so there is really no point in me going on. In my head this was all verry organized, but now that the eight beers or so have fully kicked in it all seems to be comming out this jumbled mass. Sorry to anybody who has to read this. :D
Night
Mood:  drunk
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2004.02.07 02.37
Samuri Flapjacks,... aka: I don't even know why I posted this.
Hey I came up with an interesting idea for a comercial today. It involved a little kid on kemo, a really fat guy, neverending pancakes and a samuri. I would try to explain it but it really needs the visual aids.
Elyse: Coffee? You name the time and the place, consider me there. I could use a little intelectual stimulation after this week.
Mood:  blank
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2004.02.06 14.50
So now the complaining hasn't just gone to instant messanger, I've also been getting phone calls too. Honestly I can understand why some of you are pissed, hell if I woke up one morning and saw a post the was negitive about me, from someone I considered a freind, yeah I would probbley be kinda pissed too. But here is the diffrence. When I've been pissed of with the way someone has been treating me, or perhaps it's something that they said about me, I go to that person and talk to them about it. I don't just call and leave nasty message, or just say, "wow your a bastard." No if a friendship means anything to you, you gotta work through it, the good times and the bad and if you're not willing to show that level of maturity then, I don't think I want to know you.
- Wew... Hopfully thats if for the drama for a while.
You know what the best part about winter is? It's waking up the snow drifing infront of your window, and feeling the warth of your body reflected undernieth the covers. Knowing that just a few feet outside it's freezing and your inside warm and safe.
Mood: satisfied
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2004.02.06 05.32
This one goes out to my peeps
I was going to write something really interesting, but eh... It's five in the morning. So this is the best you're going to get.
I would like to say I'm glad that people still read my Live Journal. It's crazy the ammount of people I've gotten to respond to it. Not that it's all been good attention mind you, or that it's been really fun dealing with IM's from irrate people. But eh what you going to do. This is how I feel and I"m sticking to it. Besides, as I belive I've posted before this is a "Journal" and I use it as such. So if my personal thoughts offend you then please don't read. Cause I"m not going to stop anytime soon.
Oh and if your going to post a thread to one of my topics, please have the curtasy to sign your name. I don't care if your pissed about what I have to say and want to post your complaint or feeling as a comment. Hell I encourage it!! But please don't sign in as anyonomous. For starters I'll delete it everytime. And secondly it's hard to take what you have to say serriously when you don't even have the courage to print your handel, let alone sign your name.
And in a sudden change of gear so violent that it feels like a newly installed transmition in Adam's car. I would like to thank Thundrheart, Angiechan, and most of all Fenix for your posts. You're the reason I'm in such a good mood today. Thanks for your support. It means a lot to me.
PS: Don't hate me if I forgot to include you in that list. I'm tired and I'm pretty sure I forgot someone.
Mood: touched
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2004.02.05 00.53
Well it's been over two months and this is where I"m at.
I always told myself that once I started using live journal I would use it consistantly... "No," I said, "There is no way I'm going to end up like those assholes who stop, then start up again only when they're feeling perticularly lonly."
Now it's two months later, and I'm sitting alone in my room at night with questions floating in my mind, like particals that have been floating in water thats been left out for days. Finding the wall lacking that certain spark that one desires from conversation, I have once again turned to my forgoten livejournal page. And I have become that asshole.
To my friends let me start this by saying that I apologize for behavor this last week, I'm going through one of those peroids of soul serching, and have become aware of a few things which aren't nessarly pleasent. So I've kinda been pissed off. I don't really know how to transition this so I'm just going to go right to it.
1. I don't like how I look and feel. I'm sick of being fat. Serriously fat. I'm sick of having to fling the screen door all the way open so I can pass through. I'm sick of dragging miles of seat belt accross my chest so I can get buckeled in. I'm sick of the looks and jokes. I'm sick of feeling inferrior. But mostly I'm sick of being alone.
2. Jefferson airplane had a song called "Need someone to love". In that song the singer posses the questions, "Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you NEED somebody to love." Years I've been tryied to answer no to those questions. Claiming that I could live quiet happily by myself. However in the last four or five months it's become to hard to say no. I go to bed every night and I just feel empty. I lie there in bed, wishing to feel a soft body against mine, and a wisp of passion in my ear. But instead all I get is the raspy wer of my computer fan and the obnoxious red glow from my mouse. And honestly I've grown weary of it's company. I should be making these kind of confessions to the one I love, not to some internet journal.
For some people this problem might seem like an easy fix. I can hear what they'll say now. "Oh Nick you need to try harder thats all. Just go out there and try harder." Fuck trying harder, I'm fat I know it and any girl I walk up to will know it. OK! I'm sick of people telling me that people aren't superfical, because I"m superfical. If a woman who isn't attractive where to walk up to me I wouldn't nessarly dismiss her, but I don' think that I could entierly look past that and if I can't look past that how the hell am I going to get a girl to do that with me!
In addition to the fat/selfestime issue. I've never even been in a real relattionship before. I don't know what it's like to feel connected in "that way" to someone. Hell I've only been kissed twice once was by a girl I hardly knew and the other was from psycho who decied to getundressed in my bed at the appartment.
I used to argue that there was no point in being in a relationship that had no chance for the future, but after giving it second thought I now understand why. This lonlyness, the kind I"m feeling is unbearable and so even if you don't truly love someone, if having that someone, lesses that pain even a little, it's worth the risk.
3. I'm growin older and it scares the hell out of me. I'm 21 years old and I have no idea what I want to do, all I know is I don't want to be doing waht I'm doing now. I mean I talk about writing gaming reviews, but I don't even know how to fucking spell. How the hell is anybody going to take anything I say serriously if I can't even spell. I'm almost done with CC and now I've got to find a new school, which I may or may not be able to afford and after that comes real life, which deep down I know I'm not prepared for. It seems that just floating by for so long, has left more entierly ilprepeared for my future.
4. Not naming names but lately along with mylife I've been evaluating my friendships with people. Lets just say, not everybody got an A. One friend of mine has been bugging me perticulary of late, when I first wrote this paragraph I left Adam's name out, but now I'm going to mention it. I don't like having my phone calls ignored, I call you once a god damn week, maybe twice, the least you could do is answer your god damn phone and say I'm busy. At least give your long time friend that amout of curtasy. Or hey if you really are in the middle of something that can't be interupted, it would be nice if you even tried to return even one phone call. I'm sick of being your fall back to your girl friend. Hey till you get some balls man, don't worry about me calling you anymore, cause I ain't gonna.
To Sean and Kevin,
Wow time pulls people appart and we aren't any diffrent. It would be nice to say that we were the same people that we where in highschool, but we're not. You two have matured in a lot of way I haven't and vice versa. I've decied I'm going to make a concious effort not to be such a god damn vidiot.
PS: Next time you don't want to do something say so instead of making an excusse and blowing me off, it's the kinda shit I used to do in grade school and I can see right through it. Just say no, and we'll call it at that. Ok.
To Aaron,
What happened to my good friend from highschool huh. What happened to witty, funny, tallented aaron. This new pot head junkie Aaron sucks. I mean all he does is eat sleep and shit. If I only wanted friends like that, then I wouldn't have any use for you guys, I would just keep my fucking dogs.
You had so much tallent boy and you're throwing it all away. For waht!!! For Lazyness. I mean I could understand if you wanted to hang out with other friends, I mean friends more befitting your level of intellegence, but thor and kate. WTF!!! Those two stoners put together don't have an IQ half of your'se. Besides that they're fucking anoying. I mean thor with is constant, I wish I was cool enought be a rock star white trash chez'. And kate with her constand bitching and hypocondrai. It's a wonder you haven't killed them both. Hell I know I would have.
To Mike: I don't even know you anymore. Best whishes in whatever it is you do.
To Brian: You've been a great friend lately, and have had to put up with more shit than you've had to a right to, thank you.
Angie: You and I've already had words.
To Garry: You're a great friend but you need to choose your battles better. Oh and stop trying to act like an athority on things, when you have no clue about them. Just admit you don't know, we won't hold it against you.
To Will: Your a better friend than I deserve. Thanks for everytime you helped me and for caring.
To John: Your a great guy and verry understanding. But your puns have gotten old, and actually make me not want to be around you.
PS: You serriosuly got to do something about that smell, it's comming back.
Lester: Stop being so god damn needy all the time. Don't just IM to say Yo, then not respond for 10 minutes because you're busy talking to someone else. It's anyoying. Further more, I don't always want to do shit, so when I say no leave it at that, don't hound me for several hours afterwords, because I'm still not going to want to do it. Infact in the last couple of days I've been busy typing reports out and you've been IMing me so much that I, for the first time ever, had to shut down instant messager. Take a god damn hint. I mean your a great guy man, but i got a life. So feel free to message me, but just remember man, no means no, and make sure you got something to say before you send something.
Michelle: We never talk anymore and when we do I hardly know what to say. One thing that severaly bugs me is when you start talking about your degu. I hoenslty could care less about you're animals nail clippings or recnet run ins with death. Alright. I mean one day, not recently, you messaged me after not talking to me for about two months with, "Risues squeeling again." I mean how the hell am I supposed to respond to that. See the rules I made for lester, they apply to you to only no degu talk. Don't get me wrong I think you're great, but understand my possition here PLEASE!!!
For the rest: You may be wondering why your name isn't on that list. It's because you're all dead to me now!11 HA HA!!... no, honestly it's because you are probbley in the clear, or I haven't known you long enough for me to bitch smack you out of the blue like this.
I don't know how that turned into a bitch session on just about all of my friends, but something things in there needed to be said. And I'm sure for every bitch I've got about you, you probbley have 5 for me. I'm not doing this to be melichious, I doing this because I feel like I this needed to be said.
So to wrap up:
I'm fat, scared, and alone. In additon good chunk of my friends are drifting away...
In short, I'm going to bed, and so far no hope for tomorrow.
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2003.12.02 03.45
I can't belive I just did this, but I made a chirstams list. I know, it's a bit childish, but my rents where going on and on about not knowing what to get me for christmas, so I just spent the last 3 hours making one. And let me tell you it's one hell of a list. I don't really have a lot of items on there. It's just really i didn't know quite what to get myself, and quite frankly it took me most of that time just to figure out what I wanted.
So I did a littel reserch and came up with a list of 26 odd things that I... want.
You know I really wish more people would take as much time as I do thinking about gifts for poeple. I mean you can buy all the expensive gamesystem and stereos in the world and it still doesn't add up to one really clever well thought out gift. I know last year when Will got me that Cowboy Bebop zippo I was thrilled. That came totaly unexpected, and really a great gift. The same goes for adams shot glasses he gave me that same year.
Wow did I have a cowboy bebop christmas or what. Anyway I'm going to bed now, I'm going to work on revising my manuscript in the monring. Night Peeps
Mood:  accomplished
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2003.12.01 14.24
Well, like all mondays, I'm tired... So I think I'm going to settle down for my mid afternoon nap. Ah sleep, sweetest of the transition metals.... Wait, I'm sounding like an episode of sea lab. Ok now I really should go to sleep. lol
Oh as I explained to Angie. My project... you know the lit journal, yeah that was actually due next week wednesday, not this week wednesday. HE HE... SO that compounded with me feeling a lot better today means that we are going to have gaming after all on tuesday. Expect a much shorter session seeing as I have to drive my mother to the airport at 3 am on wednesday morning. Ick... Anyway I'm going to bed now.
See you all in a few hours peeps
Mood:  sleepy
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2003.12.01 10.05
Once again I find myself in the writting lab on the fifth floor, thinking about the thoguhts of the day and feeling utterly exhusted. I guess the real chanellenge this afternoon is going to be getting those journals done for my lit class. It's not a ton of work, but now thanks to my new graphics card and the new games I purchased on Friday I'll a lot of distractions to contend with.
One thing I wanted to rant about last night but didn't, well for obvious reasons, was divider sticks. Those small plastic wands that the put in the lanes to seperate orders. Ok, I understand there usefulness and I understand why people would want to use them. However I don't understand why they want to use them all the time. This seneraio has happened to me multipul times over the weekend I feel that I need to get it off my chest:
I'm sitting in my line, and have been for quite some time, when a guest shows up. There is nobody behind her. It's dead. She sets her four or five item up on the lane and as quick as she sets them down I have each scanned and in the bag. Nobody is behind her. (I thought I should clerify, the reason I'm using the female pronouns is more often than not it's either an old lady or a house wife of some kind.) Anyway we have establish that there is nobody behind her and all of her items are in the bag, when suddenly without warning and for no appernt reason she slaps down the divider stick. Why I don't know.
Do you people out there in LJ land even understand how much that bugs me. How much unnessary effort is exurted by this woman, putting a divider stick, when:
a. All of her items all all ready in the bag and
b. There is nobody behind her.
I mean really what is she trying to seperate anyway. "Oh please Mr. Cashier Man don't mix my groceries with Mr. Nobody. He's dirty and I don't want his nasty things intermingeling with my, wholesome delicious apples. WTF! I mean is it some sort of cerimonial ritual, or what. Does she say a quick prayer to Ali before slaping down her divider, "Oh please Ali imbue this holy divider with your power, to keep the infedels out, and my total low."
I mean thats just touching the tip of the iceburg. I mean really why do we even need dividers in the first place. Now I understand a person wanting to use them if I have like three orders on the lane, or perhaps if there just going to be lobbing items up on the belt, and they are using the divider to bring some sort of order to the chaos.
People usualy seperate their items anyway. For instance, most people will put some big clunky item, like a 12 pack of soda or a bundel of paper towels acorss the belt, as a viritual divider between their orders and the next persons. So why the need of a plastic divider on top of that. I don't understand. I've never in my whole life as a cashier ever rung up somebody elses stuff in on another order, and not cought it in enough time to fix the thing.
I mean maybe people are thinking that we're back in the olden days. Back when a cashier would have to rering a order just because they added something to the total that they shouldn't have. I mean if I was living back in those times I could understnad a need for divider sticks. That would make sense. However when it's as simple as hitting a void button to get rid of all unwanted items, it really doesn't make any sense to be so picky.
When people put up a divider bar on a lane, when it's blatenly obvious which whose order is who's. I take it as an assult to my intellegence. I think to myself, "What is it lady, don't you trust me?" As a general rule I think that many people in the over thirty crowd think of people my age, (by our I mean in the general 20-25 catigory), as being totaly inept. Completely incapible of handeling their order. Meahwhile I have to sit there and watch as they fumble with our MSR, (credit card reader), attempting to follow instuctions so simple ass a three year old could figure it out.
That brings me to my next point. The MSR. Yes I know we just got new readers, but I don't understnad why that needs to be brought to my attention at every injunction. All I hear day in and day out is, "Why do you keep changing these things," "Look at how awful my signature looks." And my all time favorate, "Why can't they just make these things all the same." My god if I have to hear that one more time I think I'm going to kill somebody.
Ok as for the first statement, we had the old readers for a year and a half. Durning that time, all I ever heard was a solid list of complaints from people who could never hit credit button on the screen. The old readers also had a lot of problems with freezing, and the debit card buttons would often read more than once, when attempting to type in a pin number. In short we needed new card readers bad and in respect to the problems of the old readers, the new ones are much better. However they do have some problems of thier own. Forisntance, the new card readers have a signing window about one third the size of the original. So people with long names often have to come up with creative way to sign. One of my personal favorites is writitng th name with a 45 degree slant to it. Sytlish! Another problem the new readers have is that they signing window is right over the key pad. Don't get me wrong I'm a big fan, of the new keypad. Having something tangeable, is much better than the old liquid crystal display, this way we dont' have any issues with double click the same number.
So ok now that I've discussed the problems with new readers, I'm going to talk about what aggrivates me about people using them. First of all swiping the card. It's not difficult people, there is a pictagram, sitting right there on the plastic bit in the area where you have to swipe the card. It shows the correct way to slide a card. Which is often ignored, and then people get pissed when they swipe their card in the wrong way and it doesn't work. I mean serriouly if someone would just take the time to just sit and think for a second, they could look at the nice little pictigram, and swipe correclty everytime. Secondly, even if you don't look at the picturgram, it's still entirely plausable to slide your card corectly, because logicly there are only two way you can slide you card and get it to work. I mean the magnetic strip is only on one half of the card. So basicly you slide your card one way, it doesn't work, slide it again the other way. Bingo! These people who slide their card with the name part in the msr, make no fucking sense. Really, these people should have to take some basic class, to undetstand fundemental techinlogical devices relitive to modern living.
- totaly new subject-
A class has just walked into the english lab. WTF! I thought this was college not high school. I mean I could understand taking a class into the lab, to show them what kind of wonderful facilities they have at their disposal. Not to teach them the diffrence between plagerism, and a summery. I can't belive they are even teaching a class that goes over this at this level. This it totaly rediculas.
She's going over the kind of things that where in these kids, research papers and to be blunt, it's frusterating. How the hell, could you use your parrents as a sorce about nutration, when they have no background as a heath expert or anything. I mean how dumb do you have to be. I could understand if was just general lazyness, but even still you should still have the good sense to fake a sorse instead of putting down mom told me. ARG!!!!
Maybe I should take this as a sign and get the hell out of here. I think I've done enough ranting anyway. Oh well off to check my e-mail. So much for another peaceful writting sessions.
Mood:  annoyed
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2003.12.01 00.36
Ok I know I said I was going to update thursday but it didn't happen so now I'm pretty much going to update the last few days in one sitting, everybody get your friends blocker on, because it's going to be on hell of a bumpy ride.
Thursday- Thanksgiving. The day started like ass. More or less I had to get up at 9 O'Clock because I had to be to work at ten. Then after struggeling with myself to get out of bed, I managed to make it there just in time.
Speaking of time what a waste of it. Work was dead. I mean like completely dead. North express had some action going on, but that was due to that Thanksgiving day sale Meijers was running. (Since we are open thanksgiving the higher ups decied that they might as well have their holiday sale on the actual holiday. Briliant thinking, guys. How may people do you think wanna shop when they have just stuffed themselves raw at the shomogisport that is Thanksgiving.) So basicly I sat at my lane and did nothing, absolutly nothing for about four hours. When finaly they broke the news to me that I could go home early. Which was a good thing seeing as they had to push back Thanksgiving day dinner on my account.
Anyway I get there and my house is a literal ghost yard. Instead of having dinner at 3:30 like my parrents said they where going to shoot for. They decied to make it five just incase I had to stay late. So having nothing else to do I watched the Lions game, suprisingly enough they won. Ha ha. Now if they could only play every game like thanksgiving. Oh well.
By the time dinner was over my Uncels Rick and Steve had arrived, and knowing that other relitives couldn't be far behind I thought it might be best to venture upstairs, you know get some alone time befor the hoard hit. Well that didn't work, my Aunt Kristy, yeah the one with the bad roots. Decieds that she doesn't want to watch her kids anymore, and after making a few inquires as to my present location, sends the children up to my room.
Know there is something you should know about me. It's not that I don't like children. Infact at times I actually enjoy playing older cousing. It's just that sometimes you need some space, and I thought that by closing my door I was sending that message to the general world. It seems however that a closed door, at least to my Aunt Kristy, doesn't mean leave me alone. It means, baby sitter wanted. So she opens the door, and lets her little rugrats in.
On the bright side it wasn't changing or anything. But still a closed door is a closed door, you know what I mean. So the children come in right in the middle of me playing Panzer Dragoon Orta. So I figure fine I'll watch the little kiddies and sooner or later they'll get tired of watching me play video games and find some other relitive to bother. Boy was I wrong, the kids actually started getting into the video game, watching me fly around, they thought that they where watching some sort of movie. Which was kinda cute, expessaly when they had me read the subtitles for them, so they could understand what the characters where saying.
Well this lasts for about an hour before the dinner alarm is roused, and all of us Thanksgiving troups must come down stairs for role call. So I come down stairs, only to find that Kristy's kids have inhabbited all of the seats at the table. Wonderful I think to myself, as I take my seat at a pair of card tables running parralle with, with the regular table. It looks like it's just me, my mom, and the baby (Kristy's baby, who she has also passed off to someone else). The kid spends most of his time thowing half eaten chunks of turkey flesh on to my plate. Very appitising. Basicly determining that I have no other choice, I let the kid eat his meal first, at which point his father, (thank god someone has some sense of responsibily), noticing that I have yet to really dig into my meal, brings him out into the living room to watch something on Nickelodan.
Finaly I think to myself, a chance to eat dinner. I had just began to dig in when little Derik, decieds he wants to watch the dragon game, and begs and begs me to play it. Apperenlty the concept of five minutes, is not something that a five year old can understand. So after about two minutes of trying to eat I give up and go back upstairs to my game.
I'm at it for about 10 mintes before Derik grows tired. He wants to see a new game. So saving my game, I look though my list of X-box games, for one that might be age appropate. About finding my copy of "Wacked", I though it into the player. Hoping that a little death match might get the two kids out of my hair for long enough for a much deserved cigerette. We'll after about three minutes of playing the basic tutorail Derik gives up and wants to see another game. Well this was the part I was afaid of people, you see Derik is a huge football nut. And I know he's spotted my NCAA 2K3 in the list of games I have sitting on my shelf. He pulls it out and askes how abou this one. Well people there is something that you need to know about Derik. As I said he's a football nut, which normaly I wouldn't have a problem with, hell if it would have gotten the kid out of my hair I would have probbley but the game in first, however Derik likes to reinact the plays he sees on the screen in real life. Jumping around the room, plowing things over, to simualte a sack. Or grabbing something highly priceless and spiking it to simulate a touchdown. So basicly, putting this game in, means distruction derby time, for little D.
So, not having the heart, or a quick enough mind to come up with an excusse I have pop the game in, and it isn't long before touchdown dancing are being relived with cd cases. Or my bookself are being hit, josseld around by him flying into them, attempting to simulate the pass I just performed on screen. I took to running short inside runs, that at his worse would result in him tackeling me. Bones heal, DVD's don't.
Anyway after about foury minutes of this Dave-mike calls and being the good dub that he is plays along with my little sceem to leave the house. He shows up half way into the fourth quater of the second game. I tell derik that I have to go, and before I any questions can be asked, I assure him out of my room, and leave for the bars.
Friday-
The one good thing about Thursday was that I noticed that Best Buy was selling my Radeon 9600 for only 70 dollars. Which is one hundered dollars off the regular going price. Hell yeah.
So getting up early on friday I head out with Will to Best Buy. We arrive with five minutes to go before the big door opening cerimony, and the place is just packed. I mean we're talking cars filling the Best Buy lot, the Damesons lot next door and most of Independat bank. The line, if you thoght the ammount of cars was bad, was worse. It extended form the front doors all the way around the side, past Dameons, past Independat Bank and around a couple of parking pillars.
The good news is once the line got moving we all got in ok, no pushing on shoving, (a nice contrast to walmart which had two women put into to critical care from being trampled over). Anyway will and I make it to the video card section, only to find they have quarenteened the thing off. The lady who isn't waring a pleasent expression by any means, tells us that the last four Radeons have been moved to the fron and we should hurry if we want to get one.
So we push our way though the crowd again, and thank god some old lady bumped me, because she pushed me right into a display of CD spindels which housed the pressumabley last two Radeon 9600's in the store. I grab the damn thing, and saying fuck the 5 dollar sublime cd we get into line. Thank goodness we did too, because after we got in it, the line extended all the way back to the telivision for the corner of small aplinces. Which basicly is almost around the building. So suprisingly enough we find ourselves in and out in 20 minuts, and decied to go out for breakfast.
So we make our way down to the breakfast mill and order our food. The staff inside are putting up Christmas decorations, and there is only one other customer in the shop. A nice change of pace from the packed halls of bust buy. Breakfast was good, unfortuntly will, the glutten, decieds he's going to order two and a half breakfast worth of food, and manages to get his share of the bill up to eleven dollars. Nice job will.
Anyway, we leave there and head back to my house to set up the card. It works perfectly and soon we're off again to meijers, to pick up my pay check, so we can continue our christmas shopping. Well it doesn't take me long before I notice that they have the new Morrowind Game of the Year addition in for X-box. Which I've been waiting for a long time. Anyway to shorten this already to long story, I grab that and, with a price match, mange to get Tron 2.0 for under twenty. Not to shabby.
Then Will wants to head over to EB. Actually I think I was the one who really wanted to go there, but it makes me feel beter to blame him, so lets leave it at that. There I find a copy of Unreal 2k3 for only 20 bucks, hell that a steal considering it's like 40 dollars everywhere else. So I buy that. Now having, exusted my funds we head home, where I play with my new toys for about two hours before decieding to get some sleep in before work. I get up about three hours later and head to work which was completely dead. Afterwords, Brain and I meet up with Sean and Kevin for Coffee and Denny's. It was good.
Saturday-
I get up in the morning and my throat, for the fourth day in the row is sore as hell. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I've been feeling sick for the past two weeks, but generaly have delt with it, and Saturday was no exception. I got up and like any good trooper went to work. I sat there for about an hour and half before I had enough. I went into the office and told Nacey that I was going home because I needed to see a Doctor damn it.
So I went home and called the nurses office at the Beckwith Center, (the place my HMO makes makes me go when I'm sick), they think that I should go in and so I make an appointement for the first avilible time. Four hours from when I called. So what do I decied to do with my free time. Sleep of course and sleep I did till about twenty minutes before I had to be there.
So I get up throw on some clothes and fly to doctors office. I made it there in eight minutes flat, not bad for it beeing 15 mintues away. So I waste the time, smoking a cigeratte and listening to car talk on NPR. Finaly I get in they take my information and once again in an attempt to shorten this already way to long peice, I'm told that I have a bad sinus infection and I should take two pills one three times a day and one two times a day until gone.
I drive home and spend the rest of my day till about eleven O'clock sleeping. About this time, I get up play Unreal 2k3 for a while befoer being interupted by Lester who's torn up about which type of Apple lap top to get. Not much later, I get another IM from Sean, asking me to get coffee with him. So for the third night in a row I make my way to an eating estiablishment.
It was a good night, I conviced Lester that he should go with the Powerbook over the I-book. Sean found out that Lester was a recording arts major, and managed to work out a mutual beifiatal deal, where Sean and his band gets to spend sometime in a real studio and Jason gets to get some applied practice, which he needs for his final project.
All in all it was a fun evening.
Sunday-
I get up in the morning 20 mintues befoe I have to be into work, driving like a mad man I show up to work, with only a minute to spare, before I'm late. Anyway, the day passes smothely dispite, me wanting to murder several people, but thats a topic for a diffrent post.
I get out of work around six O'clock and am back home around six thrity. My rent are gone at my grandma's house, who's battling Ostionecromancy... I think it means the deadinging of the bones. But I don't know for sure what in all intailes. All I know is that she finds it neraly impossibe to walk, and hasn't been able to leave her house in weeks. Anyway there there and my rents made me some sort of Sausage Caserole for dinner.
Now if you know me, then you know among my many hates are Cheese and Sausages. This caserol combinded the two into one perticularly dispicable dinner. So the garbage disposal ate that, while I ate leftover pizza. Mmmmm left over pizza...
I took a long bath, then headed out with Adam and Lester to Founder for a brew, played darts and forced lester for to apply for his apple loan for his new laptop. He he ... (Btw he was approved). Anyway not feeling that I had done enough evil tonight I came back home, and now I sit writting this post. Now nearly an hour and fifteen minutes later, I think I'm going to bed. Have fun all. Thanks for putting up with me.
BTW: Don't even bother posting about cut tags, you don't like it take me off your friends list.
Mood: chipper
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2003.11.27 02.08
Orta watch Santa and feed him chinese.
Damn I realized that I hadn't posted much of anything today, so I kinda feel obligated to post something. Um... Today I went out with Will, Garry, and Jolls and had a great fucking time. First we went out for cheep chinese. Then went to Meijers, (I'm soooo pooor I gotta to return pop cans for money). While leaving I noticed Panzer Dragoon Orta on sale for 10 dollars. Hell I was going to pay upwards for 30 dollars for that game. So basicy I told will, either your going to loan me ten dollars so I can buy this game, or I"m going home with and not seeing a movie with you guys. He chose option number one. Then we went to Celibration and cought "Bad Sanata". The movies good people, go see it. If you want further proof, the guy who directed it is the guy who directed "Crumb!" and the Coen Brothers produced it. Defenatly worth the six dollars of admition.
Anyway afterwords we went over to Will's to play Burn Out 2: Point of Impact. A game, in which the goal is to cause the most horrific and costly car accedent imaginable. We played it for about six hours and had much much fun. Anyway we called it a night and now I"m here righting this journal. I know I havn't been up to my usual snuff lately, but I promis to be back on track soon. I go to work tomorrow... today on thanksgiving so I'll be bringing back with me plently of amuniton.
Till then, Peace
Mood: full
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2003.11.26 04.07
Gaming, turtlenecks and danger.
I had a wonderful evening, I went to gaming today and for the first time in a long time, (shadowrun doesn't count) I got to roleplay. I didn't do a half bad job either, (cutos to everyone else as well). Anyway I had a blast.
After gaming Garry and I went to Will's house and after failing to watch adult swim we decied to make a Denny's run. (lol sorry sean) anyway we talked about a lot of things, but eventually the topic turned to videogames. The topic of favorite rpgs was brough up, which eventually went into making a list of games you enjoyed the shit out of.
Anyway I got home about ten minutes ago, and realized to my horror, that in my rushed attempt to leave, I left a certain webpage open on my desk top... Normaly this would not be a problem, except that for some reason my computer didn't go into sleep mode, and a couple of newly purchased turtle necks set down on my computer chair, likely bought by my mother...
If there is one good thing about all of this, the webpage in question was a story not a picture (yeah thats right I look at porn what of it), and since you people are IM whores, I had a lot of instant messanger windows over it. So basicly if she's nosey she probbley got a lot more than she bargined for. If she is as commitiated to protecting my privacy as she says she is, I won't have to worry. Still most likely I'll find out what if anything is going on tomorrow.
Till then anybody tells my rents anything and they die. Thank god they don't know my lj acount.
Mood:  anxious
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2003.11.25 02.51
To much personality for one night.
Everybody has been doing this for quite sometime so I thought that I should catch up... all at once... heh... Anyway I took like 50 quizes over the course of the last hour, I got very similar results on almost all of them. Here are a few that I liked.
You are Form 2, Angel: The Pure.
"And The Angel rose as holy protector for
all that was created. She fought with honor
and valor to serve the good of the world. But
the coming of the mankind was her downfall; and
end to purity."
Some examples of the Angel Form are Michael
(Christian) and Hercules (Greek).
The Angel is associated with the concept of virtue,
the number 2, and the element of wind.
Her sign is the zenith sun.
As a member of Form 2, you are a person of your
word. You generally keep your promises and
give everything you do your best. Although
some people see you as overbearing sometimes,
you know that you have to stay true to yourself
and do what's right. Angels are the best
friends to have because they are brutally
honest.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Daria from Daria. You are full of sadness
and everything bad. You love to read, and you
are very smart. However, you are cool to
others. Even though you are so smart and quiet,
you seem cool to others. You get mad at others
quickly, but you only show it in your face. You
are very anti-social, but you do have a couple
of friends one or two. You are pretty
depressed. You have very little happiness in
you. You are very different from others. You
make the school seem much better because you
are not the exact same as the other girls. You
are not very religious, however. Actually, you
are not religious at all. Most likely, you are
going to die of cancer - sorry for that. Good
luck desperate person!
*****WHAT CARTOON ARE YOU??? - NEW AND IMPROVED - MANY DIFFERENT RESULTS*****
brought to you by Quizilla
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
brought to you by Quizilla
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
Fight Club!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Spearmint.
You are quick-witted and sharp. You pay close
attention to details and you can tell what your
friends are feeling. You are always the first
to understand a joke and you are valued for
your insight and advice. However, you
sometimes isolate yourself from other people,
afraid to share your own feelings.
http://quizilla.com/users/donarepa/quizzes/Which%20Tic-Tac%20Flavor%20Are%20You%3F
Mood:  quixotic
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2003.11.25 02.07
Smiles and grins from an otherwize troubled face.
I can't believe I just slept so long. I slept from about five in the afternoon till ten thirty. God what a nap. So now it's two in the morning and I'm posting to lj.
I don't know why, but I woke up and I feel just soooo good about everything. I realy don't know how to discribe the feeling, other than it feels like some sort of whole in my soul has been patched. I don't know how long this feeling is going to last. I don't wanna sleep, I just want to sit and savoir this feeling, but I know that if I don't I'm going to regret it tomorrow.
Perhaps I'm just going to sit up all night and think about life, maybe I'll drink tea and look out on the November winter sky and think about how great it is to be alive. Right now everything seems so perfect, and all of my troubles seem so far away. I feel for the first time in a long to contented. Full. I want to breath lifes air and make it apart of me.
Take a breath people. Life is all around you, and it's wonderful.
Mood: jubilant
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2003.11.24 10.03
Snow falls, reflections and drudgery.
It's another Monday and that means getting up at seven in the AM. I don't know why I can't understand that I'm going to have to do this ritual every monday, but for some reason it just doesn't click. Which means that I'm going to spend Sunday evening out and about and generaly doing nothing to important, much to the dismay of my brain which is trying to tell, as I type this, that sleep is was the better idea.
Usually my mornings consist of getting concious. A process taking nearly five minutes of hugging my pillow tight and me attempting to will the world away. Finaly I submit, roll out of bed, and get dress, (I shower the night prior). Then I blearaly shambel down stairs to where my mother, my ride to class, is letting the dogs out. I make use of this time by grabbing a diet coke, water, and two nutragrain bars. *HEATHYish BREAKFASTS ARE GOOD*... Then I head into the garage, toss my bag into the car and flop down into the passenger seat.
Before I know it I'm moving, and soon we are racing tword my final destination. A few attempts at conversation are made along the way, however are usualy answered by me attempting and then slipping back into dreamland the sounds of the radio ebbing into my conciousness.
Finaly the car comes to a stop, the break jerks me awake. Gingerly I get out, and grab my school bag, before I close the door and ask my mother, "Same time, same place." She replys the usual, "Yes, have a good day hun." To which I respond, "Thanks again," and shut the door. She drives off.
I begin my day at college with ,what else, a cigerette. Looking over the college campus, which by the time I arrive, is almost empty. Most people at seven fifty have the good sense to be in there seven fifty classes, not I. I need to smoke. I light the cigerette and inhale, nicoteen injecting itself into my body, which gives a greatful shiver, thankful to have it's old parter back for another trip around dullsville. Then after several drags and having asked myself many times, "Why in hell did you sign up for a seven fifty class," I snuff the cigerette out and head inside.
The elevator hallway, if I had not had my cigerette, would have been crowded with people scrambling over eachother, all attempting to board the same car. But thanks
to my early mornign fix, there are only three people waiting when I push the button for up. After thirty seconds or so the eleveator dings and the doors open and with all the excitment of a man being sentance to death I board.
As a general rule, I let the other passengers board first, before letting my self on. As usual the only button that is light up is number five. I hit number four and and get dirty glances from the three other passengers. One. Two. Ding... the door opens and an young lady, enters. Everybody, including myself stares with distain. We all turn to examine this young princess, who has decied to interupt are expodidgous voyage with her being there. What wrong with her, we think to ourselves, she seems perfectly able to climb the stairs. With only two floors left when she got on and so really there is no excusse. The four of us mutter in mutal disgust. Ding again, the door opens and princess pushes infront of me to get out, with a look back to my crew mates, asking, "who the hell does this girl think she is," I exit and head down to my western civ class.
Class, like usaul, is boaring. It's not saying that the professor is boaring, just saying that, like most things, stuff is very hard to pay attention to when you would rather be sleeping. Classes ends with my head falling and hitting the desk two or three times, but still triumphing over sleep in the end.
Exiting, I head down out to the fourth floor bridge to get in the first cigerette in a long line of many which will come on this two hour wait I have between classes. On the door to the fourth floor bridge posted are the absenty list for all professors in the building.
-Diversion-
Every damn day I check that list and every damn day not one of my professors are on it. So far this year I've been sick three times. Sick like nasty I don't wanna go anywhere sick. Most of the people I know have been sick at least once or twice. What the hell is going on here. Why the hell don't these people ever get sick. I mean are they some sort of robot cyborges, that have come to the future only to taunt me with there bill of good health. WTF!!!! I need to buy each and every one of them a pack of smokes for christmas, and force them to smoke. Lets see if there andriod bodies can take that. HUH!!!!!
-Better now-
After my cigerete I head down to the computer lab, usualy I look at WOW websight, but today I decied to post to live journal. I don't know why I did, but for some reason I feel alot more awake now that I have. The snow is falling outside, and looking at it fall to the earth bellow from my window here on the fifth floor is an beautiful slight. Winter is here, and it came on a Monday.
Mood:  awake
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